![]() The actual conversation during which you break up with this person can last a lot longer than it should, especially if your partner is devastated or completely surprised by your decision.It may also make it easier for you to not hurt the person any more than necessary. Having a basic plan of your conversation can minimize becoming over-emotional and help keep you on track. Consider what you want to say to the person. Give your partner time to make a concerted effort to change their behavior. For example, it can take smokers months or years to quit their habit. For some people, it can take a long time to change long-established behaviors.For example, you can say “I need to see you make an effort to quit or significantly reduce your smoking habit for this to work.” Issuing ultimatums such as “You need to want to have children” will likely never work and only cause harm and feelings of guilt. However, it may be necessary for your relationship to remain tenable. Make sure that the ultimatum is helpful.Issuing "ultimatums" by saying "If you quit smoking by next month we can stay together" can lead partners to agree in the short term before going back to the old ways in the near future. You may or may not tell your partner about your timetable.Setting a limit on timing for your partner to change can help make your decision easier in the long run. ![]() You want to avoid getting into an endless chain of hoping for your partner to change and then experiencing disappointment. Establish a reasonable timetable for change.
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